by Cori Dunton
Trust Me, I’m Not Lonely
I grew up talking to myself. It became my thing as a kid, that weirdo in the corner having a full on conversation with herself. My parents have video footage of me as a 5 year old jumping on the trampoline in the backyard, completely alone (other than the parents secretly filming me from the kitchen) munching on carrots and rambling on. It’s a miracle I didn’t choke ya’ll. And it’s not that I didn’t have anyone to talk to, I grew up with three sisters, so believe me, there was always a conversation happening somewhere in our house. But I prefered imaginary conversations just between me and the air.
Fast forward 23 years and I am still talking to myself. I live alone but you’d never know it based on how much I chat with my apartment walls. I ask my plants why they’re wilting, I apologize to the cups I keep accidentally breaking, I compliment the kettle on being yellow and wonder aloud if my neighbors can hear my blender at 7am. I don’t know why I narrate my daily tasks, they’re certainly not interesting enough for an audio book or anything. But I think it’s because on some level I’ve known from an early age that I’m not alone. I mean yes, technically I’m alone in my apartment, or at least I hope so (brb, checking the closets!), but I’m not alone in this life.
There is so much I can’t wrap my head around when it comes to the Holy Spirit, but what I do understand is that this Spirit walks with us. It’s a constant and faithful guide. And still, so much more than that. The Holy Spirit is personal. For me, it’s the wildflowers I find in unexpected places, it’s the last bit of sunlight on the back of my neck on a Sunday afternoon, it’s the palm leaves flapping in the wind. It’s all a beautiful symphony that I call magic. I know that word may conquer up a negative image for you, and if so, that’s okay. You don’t need to relate to the Spirit the way I do. That’s the glory in it, it will seep into your soul in it’s own particular way if you let it.
I believe deeply that we all have the ability to find the Holy Spirit in the everyday, to build a relationship with it in our own way. But first, we need to slow down, open our hearts a little wider and shift our eyes into a new perspective. We need to trust the still small voice, or the feeling in our gut or the magic outside our door. Trust that it all means more, that it all has value and significance and that if we pause long enough we just might find the Holy Spirit living in these spaces. So if you see me on the street talking to myself, know I’m not lonely. I’m just chatting with the spirit, finding the magic, and leaning into the mystery that is God.