by Amanda Ortega
My family and I came to Makers just about a year ago. It was so important for us to find a community where we could feel that we belonged and feel safe. You see, feeling safe was the furthest from what I felt for a big chunk of my life.
From being the target of my parents rage to enduring years of being raped, all before I was even 13 years old- I felt like there was no place to escape the horrors I was living. And when my mom dismissed my plea for help that’s when I lost all hope.
So I shut down and toughened up- that was the only way I thought I could protect myself.
For the last 12 years God has chipped away those walls I built in so many ways but the thing that has most impacted me is this question he asks me- and he asks it more often than I like to admit, and that is: Will you make space for me?
And by giving him space I’m not talking about just clearing an hour in the calendar; I mean trusting him to move within those dark messy bits that we prefer to keep hidden.
And believe me I know how hard it can be to even think of letting those things come to the surface, but I also know that deep inside we all really want to live a life beyond just surviving and trying to keep up. I’ll be the first to admit making space for him can really feel like a risk but it can also feel like an opportunity. It really is just a matter of how you choose to look at it.
And as I’ve taken those steps, he has honored each one; knowing how much it took for me to do so and bringing me healing I never thought I would ever feel; using my story to give others the hope to find healing also.
And while I’m certainly not perfect and I don’t have it all figured out, he meets me where I am and I know I can always trust God and that in his hands I am always safe.
He resurrected so much of what died in me so long ago and I don’t know what might feel like is dead in your life but I am a living testament that he can bring life and beauty from so much darkness.
I want to leave you with this verse from Psalms 143:8 that is a great reflection and reminder for me- it says:
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
My prayer is that you would seek out the safe spaces and safe people in your own life. That you would come to know the gift of community and the grace of our savior. That you would let the walls crumble and step into a life that is more than just surviving.